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Spaced Invaders: Act 3

[Deputy Russell's patrol car, still hot, Sheriff Oxley is examining it, Orson Welles plays on the radio]

Sheriff Oxley: [burns finger on metal] Oh, my god! [find's Deputy Russell's camera] Russell?

[cut to Blaznee in ship in barn]

Blaznee: Where are those guys? Geez, if I get this bucket fixed before they get back, they're walking home. This place gives me the willies. [Deputy Russell appears in the window] Arh!
Deputy Russell: Nobody gets away from Russell Pilsbury, Deputy Sheriff.
Blaznee: Ah geez.
Deputy Russell: Would you mind stepping out the vehicle sir. [pulls gun] Now!

[cut to Mr Wrenchmuller and Jim in car, returning with batteries, which Jim is attempting to fit]

Mr Wrenchmuller: Maybe it's in backwards. Now watch it, you're getting dog spit all over it. [flash] Thattaboy! [flash] Will you stop wasting film.

[back to barn]

Blaznee: [now outside ship] Gee officer, what seems to be the problem?
Deputy Russell: No licence, no registration, no headlights, no plates, not taillights, no wheels, and I caught you going 3000 miles per hours, that's 2945 miles an hour in excess of the posted limit.
Blaznee: Great, there goes my insurance.
Deputy Russell: $10 for every 5 miles an hour over the limit, [looks at calculator] ohh, you're going to do time pal. You may even get the chair for this.
Blaznee: Maybe you better step back and get the big picture here.
Deputy Russell: OK. [he steps on rat trap, strange whirring sounds from above] I've just made a serious mistake, haven't I?
Blaznee: Ain't life a bitch?

[Deputy Russell is wiped out by a falling hay bale]

Blaznee: Oooo, ouch. [saunters back into ship, sit down] Meanwhile, elsewhere on the planet.

Orson Welles: This is Orson Welles ladies and gentlemen, out of character, to assure you that the "War of the Worlds" has no further significance than the holiday offering it was intended to be.
Blaznee: Huh?
Orson Welles: The Mercury Theatre's own radio version of dressing up in a sheet and jumping out of a bush and saying boo. [more radio in background]
Enforcer Drone: You have failed. It's disciplinary review time.
Blaznee: Ohhh.

[cut to Sheriff Oxley rushing into his house]

Orson Welles: You'll be relieved I hope to learn that we didn't mean it and that both institutions are still open for business. So goodbye everybody and remember please the terrible lesson you've learnt tonight. That grinning glowing globular invader in your living room is an inhabitant of the pumpkin patch and if your doorbell rings and nobody's there, that was no Martian, it's Halloween.
Sheriff Oxley: [puts tape in VCR, plays shot of ship flying past] You wanna bet.

[back to barn]

Blaznee: Wait, I told them we were supposed to be attacking Arcturus. It's not my fault. Let's talk this out. I'll go, get them, and we can blow up any planet you want. Just give us a chance.
Enforcer Drone: Too late, your imperfection has exceeded acceptable error levels. You are terminated.

[Blaznee makes dive, Enforcer Drone shoots, Enforcer Drone leaves after seeing Blaznee in pool of green blood]

Enforcer Drone: Now for the others.

[cut to outside barn, Mr Wrenchmuller is arriving]

Mr Wrenchmuller: That's it, come on Jim. Here that, he must be right on the other side of that bail. This time we're going to get ourselves the picture of the century. Now are you ready, get set, go! [leaps up, takes photo of Deputy Russell, who's just waking up]
Deputy Russell: Argh!!!
Mr Wrenchmuller: But I thought you was a Martian. Oww, what dya do with him? He was here when I left.
Deputy Russell: He was here when I left too.

[Mr Wrenchmuller and Deputy Russell enter ship, look at Enforcer Drone's docking station]

Mr Wrenchmuller: What do you suppose was in there?

[cut to Enforcer Drone flying across field]

[cut to grain co-op]

Lieutenant Giggywig: That's it, I'm going to kill something if it's the last thing I do. And this time, nothing is going to stand in my way.
Corporal Pez: Oh, yeah, right. What now oh terrifying one.
Doctor Ziplock: Shouldn't we be trying to find the fleet?
Lieutenant Giggywig: Oh sure, we can do it the easy way, or we can sack this entire area all by ourselves, with a single brilliantly conceived, meticulously executed and perfectly timed operation.
Corporal Pez: You hear that, we're going to blow something up!
Doctor Ziplock: Ya, but what?
Lieutenant Giggywig: That!

[cut to Mr Wrenchmuller's car]

Deputy Russell: Sheriff Oxley's at the VFW hall, he'll know what to do.
Mr Wrenchmuller: We're going to need us more than a sheriff, we're going to need us an army.
Deputy Russell: They'll never believe us.
Mr Wrenchmuller: Oh they're going to believe us all right. [scene of Blaznee in back of truck]

[cut to VFW hall, sign saying "Spook Luck", Mr Wrenchmuller drives up and parks at speed]

Mr Wrenchmuller: The Martians are coming, the Martians are coming!
Spanish Townperson: What's going on?
Mr Wrenchmuller: I'll tell you what's going on, Big Bean is being invaded by Martians.
Blaznee: [waking up in back of truck, finds goop all over him] What is this stuff?
Mr Wrenchmuller: From space!
Mr Wrenchmuller: You think I'm crazy do ya! Well I got one of them, right back here in this truck. [Blaznee hops out of truck] Come on, come on now, take a look at this.
Spanish Townperson: Take a look at what?
Mr Wrenchmuller: He was here, I swear it. Look at there, that's his green blood.
Frogish Townperson: That's paint. [laughter]
Mr Wrenchmuller: He's getting away, he's going to join his space army.

Blaznee: [hiding in alley] Space army! I'd death ray my grandmother for a space army about now.
Mr Wrenchmuller: Tell him Russell.
Deputy Russell: It's true, I gave one of them a ticket.
Mr Wrenchmuller: I'm telling you, it looked like a full scale invasion.
Mr Klembecker: I'll tell you what it looks like. It looks like a hoax to me.

Sheriff Oxley: [just arriving in his car] Mr Wrenchmuller is telling the truth.
Mr Klembecker: Are you insane?

Sheriff Oxley: Look, I don't pretend to know everything that's on here but it is clear to me from evidence that I have seen, that we are being... visited... by intelligent creatures.
Blaznee: Intelligent creatures, that'll throw them off the trail.
Mr Wrenchmuller: I even got picture, look it here, that's what they look like.
Mrs Vanderspool: Oh, they look just like the Sheriff's nephews.
Sheriff Oxley: Nephews?
Frogish Townperson: Your nephews are Martians?
Sheriff Oxley: No my nephews aren't Martians, I don't even have any nephews.
Mr Wrenchmuller: Well their spaceship's in my barn.
Mr Klembecker: [points at Mr Wrenchmuller] He's a crazy man.
Frogish Townperson: Where did they get their spaceship then? ???
Mrs Vanderspool: In California, they're surfers.
Sheriff Oxley: Surfers?
Mrs Vanderspool: That's what your daughter said.
Sheriff Oxley: Wait a minute, where is Kathy?
Mrs Vanderspool: She got out with your Martian surfer nephews!
Sheriff Oxley: Mrs Vanderspool, do you have any idea how stupid that sounds?

Spanish Townperson: I suppose they're little?
Mr Wrenchmuller: That's right.
Spanish Townperson: And green?
Mrs Vanderspool: Oh yes.
Spanish Townperson: With little diddlybobs coming off their head?
Mr Wrenchmuller: Now you're cooking with gas.
Frogish Townperson: Sounds like Martians to me.

Sheriff Oxley: I just want everyone to remain calm!

[townspeople break out into raging arguments]

Blaznee: [into transmitter] Blaznee to World Domination Force.
Lieutenant Giggywig: [at co-op] Not now Blaznee, I'm busy sealing the doom of countless millions. Now shove off.
Corporal Pez: The device is in place, they'll never escape us now.

[maniacal laughter]

Blaznee: [throws down transmitter] That's it, let the Enforcer Drone have them. Whoops. [Brian runs past]
Brian: Sheriff Oxley! Sheriff Oxley! [notices Blaznee running away] Hold it, hey, come back here. [gives chase]
Blaznee: Ohhhhhh.
Brian: Martians over here, Martians, Martians, ayyyyyy. [chases Blaznee down alley and knocks him out with a trashcan lid] Ha!

Brian: [aprehends Blaznee] Never mess with a frisbee champion.
Blaznee: Mayday, mayday, going in.

[cut to co-op, Lieutenant Giggywig by himself]

Lieutenant Giggywig: Doctor Ziplock!
Doctor Ziplock: Huh?
Lieutenant Giggywig: Activate the hovver-vid.

[cut to VFW hall, populace still arguing]

Sheriff Oxley: Wait a minute, hold it, hold it, you're going about this all wrong. There's nothing to indicate that we're in any kind of danger here, we don't know what we're dealing with here. We don't even know where they are.

[the EDTV store behind him blows up]

Lieutenant Giggywig: [on omniblab] We interrupt your lives to bring you a special announcement. The Martians have landed. Prepare to die Earth scum!

[cut to alley, Brian interrogating Blaznee]

Brian: All right, where's your spacesip [sic]?
Blaznee: What's a spacesip [sic] and what are you?
Brian: I'm a carnivorous duck and I'm in a bad mood, now start talking or I start eating.
Blaznee: [notices Enforcer Drone lurking around corner] Oh you mean my spaceship, I get your drift now, I can lead you right to it. Come on!
Brian: Some alien menace you turned out to be.

[cut to gas station]

Verndroid: Captain Bipto, I'm picking up a signal from the omniblab.
Captain Bipto: What?

Lieutenant Giggywig: [on omniblab, being projected by Verndroid's eyes] On behalf of His Majesty's Atomic Space Navy, I hearby invite you to surrender peacefully, so we can execute you in an orderly fashion. And just in case you're thinking of fleeing is mass panic, forget it, we are now cutting off your only means of escape. Hit it!

[the off-ramp explodes]

Captain Bipto: Brilliant! I would give anything to see the faces of those human scum now!

[back at VFW hall]

Mr Klembecker: The off-ramp. They blew up our new off-ramp.
Lieutenant Giggywig: [on omniblab] Watch now as we obliterate a few of your puny missile silos. [pans to show grain silo]
Mrs Vanderspool: Hey, they're over at the co-op.
Mr Klembecker: Let's get 'em!

[townspeople saddle up]

Mr Wrenchmuller: I was first I got me pictures.
Sheriff Oxley: Wait a minute.
Mr Wrenchmuller: I got pictures.

Lieutenant Giggywig: [on omniblab] Terrifying isn't it? [maniacal laughter]
Mr Wrenchmuller: I got pictures of them!

[back at co-op]

Lieutenant Giggywig: Hurry up, everyone's watching.
Doctor Ziplock: He keeps trying to put Tab A into Slot B.
Corporal Pez: I am not, it says right here, insert eradogafnic flowdad into the hypopodnic cybo-clutch, see?

[cut to Kathy, watching Martians from behind boxes, just discovered by Scout in a Can]

Kathy: Oh, hi. You gonna turn me in?
Scout in a Can: [shakes head]
Kathy: Don't you want to take over the world too?
Scout in a Can: [shrugs]

[back to aliens]

Corporal Pez: OK, we're ready.
Lieutenant Giggywig: Fire!
Doctor Ziplock: Oooo.

[they start firing at the grain silo, which starts glowing red hot]

Corporal Pez: Pretty neat huh?

[cut to convoy of town vehicles heading towards co-op, guns firing etc, Sheriff Oxley's car bringing up the rear]

Sheriff Oxley: This kind of thing is not supposed to happen in small towns. I moved out here to get away from things like this!
Deputy Russell: This happen a lot in Chicago?

[back to co-op]

Corporal Pez: Now this is what planetary siege weapons are all about. [laughter]
Lieutenant Giggywig: Wait a minute, cease fire, something's wrong.
Doctor Ziplock: Wrong? What, what?

[Enforcer Drone comes around corner, Scout in a Can ducks for cover]

Lieutenant Giggywig: It's been booby trapped!
Corporal Pez: And we're the boobies!

[grain silo explodes, covering everything with popcorn]

Captain Bipto: [back at garage, hears sound] Ahha! Another big one!

[Kathy grabs Scout in a Can and runs, screams as aliens are covered]

Lieutenant Giggywig: What is this stuff?

Doctor Ziplock: It's the most insidious weapon I have ever seen.
Corporal Pez: Hey, it doesn't taste bad though.
Lieutenant Giggywig: Well how do we get out of here?
Corporal Pez: Follow me!

[munching sounds]

Kathy: [digging her way out of the popcorn] Boy, you guys are in big trouble now, we've gotta get out of here fast. [grabs Scout in a Can and runs] Hey, it's a map of Big Bean. That's my house, this is where we are now, now show me where your ship landed. [Scout in a Can does so] That's old man Wrenchmuller's, I know where that is. Come on.

[Enforcer Drone also digs itself out of the popcorn]

[cut to convoy]

Mr Klembecker: There's one, shoot it you idiot. [bang, meoww] Never mind, shoot that instead.

[aliens emerge from under a pile of leaves]

Doctor Ziplock: Well, are we all having fun yet?
Lieutenant Giggywig: Yahoo.
Corporal Pez: What a disaster.

[cut to barn]

Brian: Is this some kind of trick?
Blaznee: Look kid, you helped me out of a jam, so I'll level with ya. I don't know anything about this invasion thing, but if you help me out here, I'll do my best to try and stop it. Deal?
Brian: Deal. [cool hand shake]

[cut to radio station]

Corporal Pez: I'm telling you, this is it, we're here.
Lieutenant Giggywig: Well, then where are all the craters and flaming buildings?
Corporal Pez: According to my pocket navigator, this is where the battle took place, OK?
Lieutenant Giggywig: We're lost, we missed the war and it's all your fault.
Corporal Pez: What do you mean it's my fault, I didn't do anything, it was all your idea.
Doctor Ziplock: Maybe if we just ask somebody.
Lieutenant Giggywig: My one chance at the big time and you ruined it.
Corporal Pez: Ah shut up, I don't want to hear it.

Doctor Ziplock: This gentleman perhaps. [runs up to Disc Jockey] Excuse me!
Disc Jockey: Argh! [chuckle] You scared me.
Doctor Ziplock: So sorry.
Lieutenant Giggywig: No no that's good, now we're getting somewhere. [grabs Disc Jockey by collar] Which way to the massacre?
Disc Jockey: The wha? Oh, [chuckle], you mean the [points to flier], I'm sorry boys, but it's over.
Lieutenant Giggywig: Over?
Disc Jockey: Yeah, I'm afraid so. Shame you missed the ending though, that's the best part.
Doctor Ziplock: How so?
Disc Jockey: Well you see, just when it seemed that the Earth was doomed to be taken over, the Martians just up and died.
Lieutenant Giggywig: Oh really, what happened to all their bodies.
Disc Jockey: The birds got them mostly, pecking and tearing at them, swallowing little mouthfuls of their rubbery flesh, and the dogs, the dogs had their turn at them too, fighting over the scraps and gnawing on their little skeletons. [barks, laugh]
Lieutenant Giggywig: Hmm mmm, and just how did they die?
Disc Jockey: Ah, our germs got 'em.
Lieutenant Giggywig: Germs?
Disc Jockey: Yeah. Little microbes, like the one that gave me this damned cold. [sneeze]

[aliens scream in horror, Disc Jockey laughs]

Disc Jockey: Well, have a good time boys.

[cut to spaceship]

Brian: I don't mean to be nosy but was there any particular reason you guys decided to invade Earth?
Blaznee: Promise you won't laugh?
Brian: Sure.
Blaznee: Ever hear of the "War of the Worlds"?

[cut to radio station, aliens on ground panicking]

Corporal Pez: [holding War of the Worlds flier] Guys guys guys!!! Get a load of this!

[cut to spaceship, Brian is laughing hysterically, Blaznee looks bad]

[cut to radio station, aliens sitting up staring at flier]

Corporal Pez: Where do we go? What do we do? Where do we hide?
Lieutenant Giggywig: Back to the ship. Back to the asteroids. I love the asteroids. Nice quiet boring asteroid patrol, that's the life for me.
Corporal Pez: Are you kidding, we'll never make it back to the ship with all that enemy firepower out there.
Doctor Ziplock: Luckily I remembered to bring my distressomatic.
Corporal Pez: I love this guy, come here Zippo. [hugs Doctor Ziplock]

[cut to ship, where all hell has broken lose]

Blaznee: Oh no, not now, it's not ready.
Brian: What's not ready?
Blaznee: The ship. One of those vacuum-heads pulled a Distressomatic.
Brian: A what?
Blaznee: It's an emergency beacon auto-pilot. The ship's programmed to fly to it, no matter what.

[cut to gas station]

Captain Bipto: Verndroid, where did you put... [bowled over by Verndroid, which is screeching the distressomatic signal]
Captain Bipto: That's a distressomatic signal. My boys are in trouble. Vern Droid, there's not a moment to lose.

[pickup breaks out of gas station]

[cut to field, Kathy carrying Scout in a Can, which is screaming the alarm]

Kathy: What, no it's this way. [Scout in a Can races off] But! Wait!

[cut to field, Enforcer Drone is screaming the alarm]

[cut to barn, Mr Wrenchmuller arrives as ship is powering up, he goes inside to look for something]

Mr Wrenchmuller: [holding up stick of dynamite] Farmer's all-purpose helper. Guaranteed to remove stumps, gophers and drastically reduce the flight potential of Martian spaceships. [goes outside] Now Jim, you stay there, and I'll be right back.

Blaznee: I've gotta rig an override before the engine charges up.
Brian: What do you want me to do?
Mr Wrenchmuller: [running into ship] Run for your life, run for your life boy. [pushed Brian out door, turns to Blaznee] Abandon ship shorty! [flash]
Blaznee: Oh! Abandon it, I just fixed it.
Mr Wrenchmuller: That's too bad, because I'm about to unfix it. [flash]
Blaznee: Ah!
Brian: Hey, what's going on? Open up.
Blaznee: What are you doing?
Mr Wrenchmuller: I'm going to cancel your ticket home. There's folks out there that'd give a lot of money to get their hands on you guys, and I'm the one that's going to get it. So I suggest you vacate the premises.
Blaznee: Just let me shut the engines off with this little red switch right here.

[hits switch, Mr Wrenchmuller is stuck in a stasis field]

Blaznee: Get out of here kid. Gee.
Brian: Whoah, come on Jim, we're out of here.
Blaznee: No, wait, hold it.
Brian: [goes back for candy bag] Wait a minute, now we're really out of here.
Blaznee: Urgh!

[ship takes off, for about 5 seconds, then crashes again, repeating this many times]

[cut to Brian running down the road]

Brian: Forgive me Mother, I have to throw away my fins. I'll make it up to you, someday, somehow. [tosses away flippers]
Kathy: [in nearby field, with Scout in a Can] Shsshh, listen. [crunch noise of spaceships hops]

[cut to aliens running towards the ship]

Lieutenant Giggywig: Shssshh, what's that? [sound of ship]
Corporal Pez: Can't be any worse than that. [sound of convoy]
Blaznee: [still in ship] Whooaaahhhh!!!!

[cut to Sheriff Oxley's car]

Deputy Russell: Duck.
Sheriff Oxley: Huh?
Deputy Russell: Duck! [Sheriff Oxley ducks]
Deputy Russell: No, duck! [points to duck on road, Sheriff Oxley brakes]
Brian: Wait!
Deputy Russell: [pull gun] Hold it right there! Are you a Martian?
Brian: I'm a duck!
Deputy Russell: If you're a duck, where are your webbed feet?
Sheriff Oxley: Snap out of it Russell.
Brian: The Martians, they went thataway!

[cut to Blaznee in ship]

Blaznee: Whoah, I said whoah! [pull weapon] When I say whoah, I mean whoah! [fires at console, ship stops bouncing]

[Scout in a Can and Kathy arrive at ship]

Blaznee: Come on, we gotta get off this crazy rock.
Kathy: Well I guess this is goodbye.
Scout in a Can: [sees Enforcer Drone, screams]
Kathy: Don't take it so hard. [sees Enforcer Drone, screams]

[Kathy and Scout in a Can run into ship, Scout in a Can screams at Blaznee]

Blaznee: Ah will you knock it off, I'm busy. [see Enforcer Drone, screams, pulls on controls, fires up motor which bounces Enforcer Drone away, ship lands in front of aliens] Whoah!
Lieutenant Giggywig: The ship the ship the ship.
Corporal Pez: All right, lets boogie.

[all run into ship]

Doctor Ziplock: Activate defence shields, activate defence shields.
Corporal Pez: The humans are coming, the humans are coming.
Lieutenant Giggywig: Blaznee, get us out of here.

Blaznee: No can do. Thanks to your stupid distressomatic, we tweaked our vapour plate, our megaspaz redundancy pile has been fried, not to mention I had to kill the auto-pilot.
Lieutenant Giggywig: I don't care, then fix it, fix all of it, all of you, fix it fix it fix it fixt it fixt it fixt it! [pause] Who's that? [stares at Mr Wrenchmuller in statis field]

Doctor Ziplock: Reroute the eratogatic flowdads through the tunnel fluctuator.
Corporal Pez: Are you crazy, you know how bad that's gonna smell?
Blaznee: Somebody hand me a plasma coupler.
Scout in a Can: [grabs dynamite from Mr Wrenchmuller and hands it to Blaznee]
Blaznee: Come on already. [grabs dynamite from Scout in a Can and puts it in a tube, blows ship a few feet off the ground] Stand by for take off.
Captain Bipto: [in car] That must be our boys wreaking havoc over there!

[car arrives, Verndroid opens door for Captain Bipto]

Captain Bipto: Oh, thank you.
Verndroid: I shall wait in the transport.
Captain Bipto: Good Verndroid, you do that. He's such a good boy. [walks on to ship]
Lieutenant Giggywig: Come on, come on, what's taking so long.
Doctor Ziplock: Let's see now, N38 to the 6th power, now we cross link the improvinator to the spog mesh.
Captain Bipto: My men!
Aliens: Whaaaa!!!
Blaznee: Ohhhh.
Captain Bipto: I must say, I am impressed. A brilliant victory brought about by your indomitable will to win.

[convoy arrives at ship]

Spanish Townperson: What the hell is that thing?
Mr Klembecker: Who cares, just shoot it! [bang, lots of bangs, aliens duck]

[back inside ship]

Captain Bipto: We did win, didn't we?
Blaznee: No, but if we think fast enough, we just might live to lie about it.
Captain Bipto: What's the problem? Just vaporise, everyone, everything, boof, mission accomplished, medals, awards, a parade, next!
Lieutenant Giggywig: No, wrong, false, none of the above. Why, because we're not supposed to be here.
Blaznee: What?
Lieutenant Giggywig: We goofed, we erred, we misinterpreted the data at hand.
Captain Bipto: I told you so.
Lieutenant Giggywig: Let me explain the whole situation in a nutshell. There are five of us and four billion of them. They have Strategic Air Commands, nuclear powered submarines and John Wayne. We have this.
Captain Bipto: Is it loaded?
Lieutenant Giggywig: Let's find out!

Blaznee: Wait a minute, we got bigger problems to worry about.
Lieutenant Giggywig: What could be worse than this?
Blaznee: That! [points to Enforcer Drone's home]

Lieutenant Giggywig: Argh, who let him out.
Captain Bipto: Martians, I'm afraid we have no choice, we'll have to use the D-O-D.
Corporal Pez: Huuuu.

Captain Bipto: Quick, break out the kit.
Kathy: [still hiding in ship, to Scout in a Can] What's the D-O-D? What does it do?
Scout in a Can: [shows picture of Earth exploding]
Kathy: You can't do that, if you let your friends blow up the Earth I'll never speak to you again.

[outside ship]

Sheriff Oxley: Hold you fire. [through megaphone] Hold your fire! Now put your guns down.

[firing stops, ship doors open]

Spanish Townperson: What the hell is that?

[aliens inside D-O-D]

Captain Bipto: Citizens of Earth, surrender or die!
Mr Klembecker: Why should we, we got you surrounded.
Sheriff Oxley: Take it easy Klembecker.
Captain Bipto: Because if you don't surrender, or attempt to kill us, this device will denote, and you, your town, and everything within a million mile radius, will just simply go kaboom.

[Enforcer Drone creeps up over the hill]

Corporal Pez: Wow.
Mr Klembecker: Well then you'll be killed too.
Captain Bipto: Wrong! For this, you see, is the Doughnut of Destruction!

[Enforcer Drone runs for cover, buries itself it the ground (not that it will help!)]

Captain Bipto: And will obliterate all of you, while leaving us completely unscathed.
Mr Klembecker: Oh yeah, what about your ship? Won't that be obliterated too?
Blaznee: Ooohhhh.
Lieutenant Giggywig: We're doomed. Let's let them have it. [grabs detonator] Give me that. Prepare to die Earth scum. [laughs manically]

[D-O-D shakes a bit then falls apart, releasing Mr Wrenchmuller (for unknown reasons)]

Doctor ZiplockDoctor Ziplock: You did it again, didn't you, you put Tab A into Slot B! I must have told you a hundred times.
Corporal Pez: No I didn't, it wasn't me.
Lieutenant Giggywig: Come on, you want to argue or live?
Kathy: [in ship, to Mr Wrenchmuller] Are you all right?
Mr Wrenchmuller: I can't move. My whole body's asleep.
Kathy: I'll get help. [Scout in a Can rushes off to follow aliens]
Kathy: Hey, somebody help, hurry.
Sheriff Oxley: Kathy? Kathy! I've been looking all over for you.
Spanish Townperson: [looking at Kathy, still in alien suit] What the hell is that?
Brian: You're alive! [bowls her over]

[cut to aliens running away]

Prepare to die Earth scum, prepare to die Earth scum, I'm going to make sure they carve that on your tombstone.
Lieutenant Giggywig: Ah, shut up!

[cut to folk at the ship]

Mr Wrenchmuller: They was all I needed to save my farm. I almost had 'em. I could have been rich, and never had to worry ever again.
Sheriff Oxley: It's going to be all right, just take it easy. I'll take you to my place.
Mr Wrenchmuller: They landed on my farm and that's gotta count for something don't it?
Sheriff Oxley: Sure it does.
Verndroid: Verndroid to Captain Bipto, Captain Bipto, come in please...
Deputy Russell: Hey, there's something wrong with my brother.
Sheriff Oxley: Vern's your brother?
Verndroid: Captain Bipto, come in please.
Deputy Russell: Well he used to be.
Sheriff Oxley: Vern? Must be shock, I'll take him back to my place.
Deputy Russell: [to Verndroid] I'll take care of your truck.
Sheriff Oxley: Keep an eye on that thing [the ship] until I get back and figure out what to do with it. Listen everybody, Russell is the sheriff now, listen to what he says.
Deputy Russell: [in background] All right, let's get organised.
Sheriff Oxley: Are you alright?
Kathy: Yes.
Sheriff Oxley: I suppose you have a pretty good explanation as to what you were doing riding around in an alien spacecraft.
Deputy Russell: [in background] Now then does anybody have any automatic weapons, grenades, bazookas, anything that might be helpful against this alien menace?
Brian: Nice knowing ya!
Deputy Russell: What have we here?
Townperson 4: The Martians got popcorn?

[cut to Enforcer Drone in place in the ship]

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Quinn "The Eskimo!"
16 Feb 1998